Editorial as it appeared in Beaumont Enterprise-January 27, 2019
In what Tom Brokaw penned “The Greatest Generation,” men and women who came of age during the Great Depression and World War II, “were united not only by a common purpose, but also by common values—duty, honor, economy, courage, service, love of family and country, and, above all, responsibility for oneself.”
Responsibility for oneself was a ‘given.’ The approach to raising children during the early 1900’s was quite different than it is for the present generation.
Hard work was not something reserved for the lower class. It was a way of life for most Americans.
My own father quit school in the eighth grade to pick cotton on the family farm. His father, the son of an Irish immigrant, was orphaned and made his own way in the world of west Texas. Ultimately he owned two cotton gins. He fathered ten children; eight survived infancy.
Strong foundations
I remember clearly how surprised my parents were when he gave me a dime once as a very young girl. He may not have been a generous man, but he gave us all a heritage that is priceless. There were never any expectations for the world to supply their needs.
All eight of the Cawley children grew up to be responsible adults, some plant managers, others ranchers, and independent businessmen.
The wives whom married them took care of business. My dad became a master machinist who helped my brother establish a highly successful business.
Only the youngest was able to attend college and he did extremely well for himself and his family.
Instilling a sense of responsibility in children is one of the priceless gifts you can give as a parent. Being responsible for themselves increases their sense of independence. It builds an internal sense of motivation and it develops genuine, not the false sense of our era, self-worth.
Teaching responsibility may be more difficult in today’s world than it was for The Greatest Generation simply because it isn’t always part of our culture.
It can be done
Once in a while I notice parents who have their priorities in order and their children are examples of what we all ought to be doing. Parenting doesn’t provide instant results. Though we must wait many long years before the final outcome, the wait is worth the effort.
To develop responsibility for one’s self in your children choose tasks that are age appropriate. There are lots of opinions about what is age appropriate.
Just look on the Internet and you can read all about when to allow your child to ride the subway home alone. Every community is different with different risks.
We know when a child is supposed to be potty trained because the day care tells us when they will no longer allow the diapers. Do we know when to expect a child to take his plate from the table to the kitchen? Do we know when we expect the child to brush her own teeth? Do we know when to expect him to put on his own shoes?
This answer is simple—when he is able to do so. It’s the age-old adage, “Never do for the child what he/she can do for himself/herself.” According to Rudolf Dreikurs, M.D. in Children: the Challenge, “Doing for a child what he can do for himself is extremely discouraging, since it deprives him of the opportunity to experience his own strength.”
Children with an internal sense of motivation make excellent students and successful adults.
Building confidence
Real-world appropriate tasks will develop a sense of confidence in the child. “I can open the door for the lady carrying a load of packages out the store.” “I can shake hands when I meet someone.” “I can bring in the newspaper.” “I can clean up the bathroom when I finish.”
Each time a child accomplishes a task it builds “I can do it” mentality. On every occasion they increase their sense of independence. Parents who create healthy homes know their children and provide opportunities for them to grow into mature and responsible adults. Children need to feel safe in the family. They should feel safe enough to come to their parents when they need help or are in a crisis.
Real comfort
While it is true that you shouldn’t overdo for your children and you shouldn’t protect them from failure or solve all their problems, if a safe environment exists in the home children will know they can come to you with problems like difficulties in school, being bullied, pregnancy, or issues with the law.
It is likely they will have fewer crises since they will have a sense of self-worth that often prevents young people from getting into problematic situations.
By creating a consistency in your approach they will know you love them. The trust they have for you will make it easier for them to be the independent and productive adults which is really the dream you have for them after all.
Gail Cawley Showalter of Nederland is a certified professional coach and director of Bridges of Hope for Single Moms
Responsibility for oneself was a ‘given.’ The approach to raising children during the early 1900’s was quite different than it is for the present generation.
Hard work was not something reserved for the lower class. It was a way of life for most Americans.
My own father quit school in the eighth grade to pick cotton on the family farm. His father, the son of an Irish immigrant, was orphaned and made his own way in the world of west Texas. Ultimately he owned two cotton gins. He fathered ten children; eight survived infancy.
Strong foundations
I remember clearly how surprised my parents were when he gave me a dime once as a very young girl. He may not have been a generous man, but he gave us all a heritage that is priceless. There were never any expectations for the world to supply their needs.
All eight of the Cawley children grew up to be responsible adults, some plant managers, others ranchers, and independent businessmen.
The wives whom married them took care of business. My dad became a master machinist who helped my brother establish a highly successful business.
Only the youngest was able to attend college and he did extremely well for himself and his family.
Instilling a sense of responsibility in children is one of the priceless gifts you can give as a parent. Being responsible for themselves increases their sense of independence. It builds an internal sense of motivation and it develops genuine, not the false sense of our era, self-worth.
Teaching responsibility may be more difficult in today’s world than it was for The Greatest Generation simply because it isn’t always part of our culture.
It can be done
Once in a while I notice parents who have their priorities in order and their children are examples of what we all ought to be doing. Parenting doesn’t provide instant results. Though we must wait many long years before the final outcome, the wait is worth the effort.
To develop responsibility for one’s self in your children choose tasks that are age appropriate. There are lots of opinions about what is age appropriate.
Just look on the Internet and you can read all about when to allow your child to ride the subway home alone. Every community is different with different risks.
We know when a child is supposed to be potty trained because the day care tells us when they will no longer allow the diapers. Do we know when to expect a child to take his plate from the table to the kitchen? Do we know when we expect the child to brush her own teeth? Do we know when to expect him to put on his own shoes?
This answer is simple—when he is able to do so. It’s the age-old adage, “Never do for the child what he/she can do for himself/herself.” According to Rudolf Dreikurs, M.D. in Children: the Challenge, “Doing for a child what he can do for himself is extremely discouraging, since it deprives him of the opportunity to experience his own strength.”
Children with an internal sense of motivation make excellent students and successful adults.
Building confidence
Real-world appropriate tasks will develop a sense of confidence in the child. “I can open the door for the lady carrying a load of packages out the store.” “I can shake hands when I meet someone.” “I can bring in the newspaper.” “I can clean up the bathroom when I finish.”
Each time a child accomplishes a task it builds “I can do it” mentality. On every occasion they increase their sense of independence. Parents who create healthy homes know their children and provide opportunities for them to grow into mature and responsible adults. Children need to feel safe in the family. They should feel safe enough to come to their parents when they need help or are in a crisis.
Real comfort
While it is true that you shouldn’t overdo for your children and you shouldn’t protect them from failure or solve all their problems, if a safe environment exists in the home children will know they can come to you with problems like difficulties in school, being bullied, pregnancy, or issues with the law.
It is likely they will have fewer crises since they will have a sense of self-worth that often prevents young people from getting into problematic situations.
By creating a consistency in your approach they will know you love them. The trust they have for you will make it easier for them to be the independent and productive adults which is really the dream you have for them after all.
Gail Cawley Showalter of Nederland is a certified professional coach and director of Bridges of Hope for Single Moms
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Educational Support Program for Single Moms
hared from the 3-15-18 - Port Arthur News
Empowerment, Not Entitlement for Single Moms
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. – Benjamin Franklin
When I met with Jackie I was amazed and impressed with her sacrificial attitude and her humility. She’s been taking care of others most of her life. When Jackie was twelve-years-old, her mother died. She had watched her mom cook and take care of the house and she wanted to help her father so Jackie took on the household responsibilities. She became the lady of the house while her father worked. She qualified for a program at Woodrow Wilson that allowed her to tutor other students. She even walked to Franklin Elementary where she assisted students who needed a little assistance. Then she walked back to Woodrow Wilson to meet her brother and they walked to Franklin to get their younger siblings after school.
Later her desire to be a social worker led her to attend Lamar University. She went when she could afford it. Against the odds she managed to earn sixty-hours towards a degree, but had to stop in 2010 due to lack of funds to cover the expenses. Sociology is her choice of study because she has had many life experiences when a social worker would’ve helped. And she can relate to others, as they will be able to relate to her.
We think it’s her turn to receive some assistance. She is the first candidate for the Educational Support Program, an initiative of The Community Coalition, a nonprofit formed in 2015.
Jackie is a mother of five and grandmother of four who gets by with very little income. Four of her five children still live at home and she is the legal guardian of a young grandson. It would be impossible for her to complete the degree without assistance. Jackie’s can-do spirit shows when she says, “I’m determined to go to school now more than ever because I am stronger in mind, body and spirit.” She exemplifies the single mothers that the Educational Support Program chooses to support while they work on a degree, usually an associate’s degree, for two years.
I have great admiration and respect for Jackie. I returned to college three times as a single mother and as an “older” student. (They considered anyone over twenty-three an older student.) As a result each time I was better equipped to contribute in my field of work. In Jackie’s case she wants to complete her degree in sociology so that she can give back to her community. She is already looking into possible job opportunities. The degree has to a practical end—a position as a Social Worker. And our area will benefit from her contribution. The example she will leave with her children is like ripples in the water. They, too, will be influenced by her perseverance.
Bridges of Hope Educational Support Program will make it possible for Jackie to complete her degree. This program supports a single mother for two years as long as she meets certain requirements. Single moms are carefully screened prior to acceptance. Participants receive: Financial Assistance, Life Coaching, Budget Guidance, Health and Wellness workshops, Spiritual Encouragement and Life Skills training. Other programs like this have proven successful and we look forward to the long-term “interests” our investment will pay. This is an empowerment, not an entitlement program. Our goal is to bring single moms across the bridge from dependency to independence and self-sufficiency. Together we will give single mothers a hand-up so they can graduate to a better life.
Gail Cawley Showalter, Director
Bridges of Hope Educational Support Program
http://www.thecommunitycoalition.com
Empowerment, Not Entitlement for Single Moms
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. – Benjamin Franklin
When I met with Jackie I was amazed and impressed with her sacrificial attitude and her humility. She’s been taking care of others most of her life. When Jackie was twelve-years-old, her mother died. She had watched her mom cook and take care of the house and she wanted to help her father so Jackie took on the household responsibilities. She became the lady of the house while her father worked. She qualified for a program at Woodrow Wilson that allowed her to tutor other students. She even walked to Franklin Elementary where she assisted students who needed a little assistance. Then she walked back to Woodrow Wilson to meet her brother and they walked to Franklin to get their younger siblings after school.
Later her desire to be a social worker led her to attend Lamar University. She went when she could afford it. Against the odds she managed to earn sixty-hours towards a degree, but had to stop in 2010 due to lack of funds to cover the expenses. Sociology is her choice of study because she has had many life experiences when a social worker would’ve helped. And she can relate to others, as they will be able to relate to her.
We think it’s her turn to receive some assistance. She is the first candidate for the Educational Support Program, an initiative of The Community Coalition, a nonprofit formed in 2015.
Jackie is a mother of five and grandmother of four who gets by with very little income. Four of her five children still live at home and she is the legal guardian of a young grandson. It would be impossible for her to complete the degree without assistance. Jackie’s can-do spirit shows when she says, “I’m determined to go to school now more than ever because I am stronger in mind, body and spirit.” She exemplifies the single mothers that the Educational Support Program chooses to support while they work on a degree, usually an associate’s degree, for two years.
I have great admiration and respect for Jackie. I returned to college three times as a single mother and as an “older” student. (They considered anyone over twenty-three an older student.) As a result each time I was better equipped to contribute in my field of work. In Jackie’s case she wants to complete her degree in sociology so that she can give back to her community. She is already looking into possible job opportunities. The degree has to a practical end—a position as a Social Worker. And our area will benefit from her contribution. The example she will leave with her children is like ripples in the water. They, too, will be influenced by her perseverance.
Bridges of Hope Educational Support Program will make it possible for Jackie to complete her degree. This program supports a single mother for two years as long as she meets certain requirements. Single moms are carefully screened prior to acceptance. Participants receive: Financial Assistance, Life Coaching, Budget Guidance, Health and Wellness workshops, Spiritual Encouragement and Life Skills training. Other programs like this have proven successful and we look forward to the long-term “interests” our investment will pay. This is an empowerment, not an entitlement program. Our goal is to bring single moms across the bridge from dependency to independence and self-sufficiency. Together we will give single mothers a hand-up so they can graduate to a better life.
Gail Cawley Showalter, Director
Bridges of Hope Educational Support Program
http://www.thecommunitycoalition.com
Journey with me on the path through single motherhood. Identify with my stories and learn ways to make your crooked places straight. The book can be read independently or used in a group as a study guide.
I'm available to teach your group.
I'm available to teach your group.
Living Learning Loving
by Gail Cawley Showalter
Comments from a reader
I learned several new strategies that have already made my life easier, such as discovering where I fall in the four personality types. Based upon the description chart in the book, I am a choleric and my daughter is a phlegmatic, which explains A LOT about the root of our conflicts. Simply put, this means I am constantly trying to do and be more, and because of that, I tend to push my daughter too much when her personality requires more peace at home. Discovering this helps both of us to have much more harmony at home. Thank you for that insight and many others, Gail! - Nicole
When my three children were preschoolers my marriage to their father fell apart. I was devastated. Over time I revamped my life, raised my children, and developed really strong soul stamina. Now, it is my desire to be there for other women, sharing what I learned.
by Gail Cawley Showalter
Comments from a reader
I learned several new strategies that have already made my life easier, such as discovering where I fall in the four personality types. Based upon the description chart in the book, I am a choleric and my daughter is a phlegmatic, which explains A LOT about the root of our conflicts. Simply put, this means I am constantly trying to do and be more, and because of that, I tend to push my daughter too much when her personality requires more peace at home. Discovering this helps both of us to have much more harmony at home. Thank you for that insight and many others, Gail! - Nicole
When my three children were preschoolers my marriage to their father fell apart. I was devastated. Over time I revamped my life, raised my children, and developed really strong soul stamina. Now, it is my desire to be there for other women, sharing what I learned.
A Heart for Women
Gail C. Showalter
Hello, I am glad you found my site.
I’ve experienced life’s transitions on many levels and am here to assist you, to coach you or guide your group through your times of change.
You, like most women, probably like to have someone who can relate to your situation. My goal is to walk women like you through tough times.
I’ve experienced life’s transitions on many levels and am here to assist you, to coach you or guide your group through your times of change.
You, like most women, probably like to have someone who can relate to your situation. My goal is to walk women like you through tough times.
Download Chapter 1 - FREE
| lll_ch_1_give_away.pdf |
A Book Review
Although I'm not a mother, married or single, I'm grateful for receiving Gail Showalter's book as a gift. As I read it I realized this isn't strictly for single mothers but for anyone looking to navigate life's challenges through Gail's experience raising three children as a single mother. It's uplifting, inspiring and common sense advice that can be applied to men, women and even young adults starting out on an indepent life. I believe your mistakes in life are life lessons that you learn from. Gail has made it less complicated by sharing her experiences and hope- fully you'll learn for her hiccups in life and avoid some of the same pitfalls we all face daily. I will be continually referring to her book. It's a timeless, well written aid that you will wear out rereading passages over the years. -Debbie K.
Although I'm not a mother, married or single, I'm grateful for receiving Gail Showalter's book as a gift. As I read it I realized this isn't strictly for single mothers but for anyone looking to navigate life's challenges through Gail's experience raising three children as a single mother. It's uplifting, inspiring and common sense advice that can be applied to men, women and even young adults starting out on an indepent life. I believe your mistakes in life are life lessons that you learn from. Gail has made it less complicated by sharing her experiences and hope- fully you'll learn for her hiccups in life and avoid some of the same pitfalls we all face daily. I will be continually referring to her book. It's a timeless, well written aid that you will wear out rereading passages over the years. -Debbie K.
FREE Videos for Each Chapter
Review on Amazon
I just finished reading the book Living, Learning, Loving. WoW, despite the fact that I am in my 50's and raised two boys on my own I found myself wishing I would have had this book much earlier in my life. From her pragmatic advice to her numerous exhortations it caused me to recall a beautiful time in my life raising my kids as a single parent. It has inspired me to reach out to help others just beginning this journey. I would advise anyone to read this book, even if you have already raised your kids. You will not be sorry. -An Amazon Customer
Click here: Interview podcast with Gail "Help! I'm a Single Mom" on "Chained No More" Radio with Robyn Besemann
Endorsements
Gail has been passionate about single moms and the challenges they face for many, many years. Having been a single parent herself, she is quite familiar with the unique struggles and joys of raising children without the consistent help of a spouse. Gail's ministry has been continuous and effective throughout the years, and has become one of the leading thinkers and voices for ministry to single moms in the United States. |
Today, I want to share with you an encounter I had with an amazing person. Handsome couple, she and her husband, professional people, seemed to "have it all." Consistent with what we read about ways to stay grounded in life, this lady was laser-focused on a purpose. Not a whim, not "purpose of the week" or "subject to change." HER purpose: Mentoring single moms. |
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